The world of lactation holds exclusive nursing as the gold standard of breastfeeding, and for many excellent, evidence-based reasons I won’t elaborate here. Is it beautiful? Yes. Is it amazing? Yes. Is it realistic for all couplets? No. 

It’s critical to recognize this, because prioritizing direct nursing at all costs can, in fact, cost quite a lot. The hurdles to exclusive nursing are many: limited maternity leave, lack of support at home, tongue ties, complicated births, premature infants, mental health challenges, societal biases, and I could go on.  Some dyads have fewer, others have more. Some will make it, some won’t. Importantly, some don’t want to nurse exclusively, and that’s is also a perfectly good reason not to. 

For those who do, flexibility is key to protecting health (mental, breast, infant) and securing the greatest chance of achieving that goal. Leveling up to sustainable, long term nursing often means stepping back from nursing, particularly in the first week.

Here are a few excellent reasons to take a break from nursing:

Your nipples are damaged

Latching is very tough to figure out early on, when there are so many variables at play and so much that you are learning at once. Please do not sacrifice your nipples in the name of nursing. We need them–they are very central to this process. And if you’re unable to determine the problem, and you continue latching at every feed, damage can compound very quickly. All the nipple balm in the world will not heal your nipples if they are getting re-damaged every three hours.

They need time. If you take a break early, you may only need one or two feeds without latching for them to heal. If you wait until your nipples are shredded and bleeding and you want to cry every time the baby shows hunger cues, it might be closer to one or two days.

Here’s the thing–when your nipples are damaged, it’s much harder to tell if the latch is comfortable or not. Even the best latch may hurt nipples that are wounded, so martyring your nipples only muddies the picture. 

Lastly, painful latches often go with poor milk transfer. If it hurts, the flow of milk may also be suboptimal, and your baby may not be feeding well.

Baby isn’t pooping, peeing, or gaining enough

This doesn’t mean absolutely don’t nurse, but it does mean you need to offer more milk after nursing. It may also mean that you limit how long you spend nursing, because in this scenario, you probably need to find time to pump as well.

You’re triple feeding

This is a hellish plan, which is sometimes necessary but should be for a short duration because it’s impossible to maintain for very long and not lose your mind. This is when you nurse, give the baby extra milk after nursing, and then pump to move milk for a baby who doesn’t move milk well. It includes all the stress of trying to make nursing work, determine if the baby is nursing well, in addition to extra time for washing pump parts. 

Something has to go.

It can’t be the milk your baby needs. And if you want to protect your supply, it can’t be the pumping. So at least at some feeds (maybe the ones overnight?) you skip nursing and just get ‘er done. You have to get some rest.

You’re overwhelmed

If there is so much going on that you are feeling defeated or anxious when you nurse, set it aside. We can come back to it, I promise. Give yourself a break.

You have to sleep

You likely need to wake up to relieve your breasts, but your breasts can often go longer without removing milk than your baby will sleep. It’s totally legit to let your partner give a bottle so you can have a whopping four hours of sleep instead of 2.5. It will make a difference!

The bottom line

It is always okay not to latch. It does not mean nursing is ruined, or the baby will forget or prefer the bottle. Babies with normal, physiologic sucks are very unlikely to refuse the breast in the first weeks when the suck reflex is in full effect. 

If your baby has a dysfunctional suck, then that has to be addressed first before we can ask her to feed effectively at the breast without hurting you. We would need an alternate feeding plan in this case, regardless. 

Regular follow up with a lactation care provider allows you to take this one step at a time, untangling one issue before tackling another. You and your consultant can make realistic, manageable plans that protect your nipples, your supply, your baby, and breastfeeding, which is the absolute best set of circumstances for happy and healthy nursing.