You’ve heard the horror stories. What gives? How can something natural be so overwhelming?
Here’s how: yes, nursing is natural. But nursing is a human behavior, which is learned. And how do humans learn human behavior? By mimicking other humans in the act of that behavior.
The social and cultural environment in which you are about to breastfeed your baby is vastly different from the one that has supported our species for eons. To start, you most likely have little to no exposure to nursing–that is, a baby sucking on a breast. If you do, it was mostly likely from across a room once or twice when maybe you were trying not to look, and the baby was probably a few months old.
This, if you even have this, has almost no bearing on what it will be like for you to latch a newborn that is a few hours or a few days old, which as everyone will tell you, is a critical window for establishing breastfeeding. So where does that leave you?
Clueless, scared, anxious, and with the odds stacked against you. You will be trying to integrate an enormous set of new skills, such as how to handle and hold a newborn (because most of us do very little of this until we have our own) and if the latch “looks good” and interpreting behavior (is that a hunger cue?) and does this count as a poop and is this unpleasant sensation on my nipple normal or does it mean I’m doing it wrong? Or how about this one–is my baby actually eating?
Back in the day when humans kept babies alive entirely with their breasts, when we lived in close proximity and shared milk and childrearing, you would already have the answers to most of these questions. Now, however, you are trying to assimilate all this information at a time when you are at your very worst to do so. You just had a baby, right? You’re more exhausted than you ever knew possible.
What’s more, not only do you have no vicarious learning from which to form some sort of instinct, you will not be surrounded around the clock by a group of women experienced in nursing and helping women nurse. You have staff at the hospital, and then you go home, where you and your partner will try to remember what you learned in your prenatal classes at 2am when your baby is screaming.
Take a breath.
I don’t tell you this to sink you into panic or despair. I tell you this so that in the moments when you feel desperate, you remember that it is not your fault. This is so much bigger than you as an individual. It will not be picture perfect. It may take weeks to learn how to latch your baby easily. You may need nipple shields, or bottles, or formula, or any number or things that were not what you wanted.
It’s okay. It really is.
In those moments when you feel disappointed, or defeated, or like you’re failing, please remember that it is not your fault. Breastfeeding, baby raising, child rearing–none of it is meant to be done alone, by a single set of parents, let alone one person. The system was designed for social animals who live in groups and live their lives collectively. This is not how we live. Therefore you are at a disadvantage, and there’s little you can do about it.
Don’t despair.
It will be less than ideal. It will be harder than it should be. But there is a lot you can do to prepare to feel good as you move into this new frontier in your life.
- Set realistic expectations
This does not mean to aim low! Aim high, but be kind and gentle with yourself when you need to make adjustments. There’s no way to know what they will be or how extensive, but without a doubt there will be departures from the original vision. It’s part of the beauty of everyone’s unique path into parenthood. - Get your support lined up
Do not wait until you have this baby to ask for help. Think of all the people who love you and care, and what ways you allow them to show their love when you need it most. Who can walk your dog? Who can clean your kitchen? Who can answer the phone when you need to cry? - You guessed it–schedule a prenatal appointment
There is no reason on god’s green earth we should not be teaching moms and dads about breastfeeding before baby comes when you are cooking this little nugget, for months and months, knowing you want to breastfeed. We can’t make up for all the failures of society in one or two visits, but we sure can take the edge off.
Moreover, your prenatal visit guarantees you an appointment after baby arrives. We will hold a spot for you!
Check your insurance here, and email or call to schedule here.